He taughts and torments me for what seems like every second of every day. There are only fleeting moments of reprief. They always come unannounced, no bags packed to stay. They dance around me, through me, the rays of light that pass through the dark clouds that cover my sky.
When they come I welcome them with open arms, so warm magical, full of hope and love. I dance for their delight, sing their praises, and bask in their glory. They illuminate my soul, they show me the way. As I marvel in their grace, I feel like I could fly, like they could lift me up and carry me away from this Godforsaken place.
The clouds begin to move and the rays of light are no more. My soul is still aglow and shines through the darkness that now surrounds me. I go along unafraid but the clouds begin to get thicker, darker, and fall to the ground. I can no longer see in front of me so I stretch my arms out to try and feel my way through the jungle that I have wandered into. As I stagger and stumble along, I trip over something and fall to my knees. When I stand, I can feel a warm liquid streaming down my arms and legs. My body feels beaten and battered with bruises. Though I know the way, I know I cannot go back from whence I came.
I cry out to the light to come to me, to show me the way, but my cries seemingly go unanswered. I begin to run, tears streaming from my face are also falling from the sky. My sobs thunder and shake me to my core. The wind swirls around me sending chills down my spine and whistles in my ears, “The light is gone, never to return. Hold on to your hope, your love, your faith, and I will make you suffer. I will make you burn. Your tears will stream from inside of you like endless waterfalls and there will be no one there to comfort you. Those around you will not understand and try to help you in vain. They will turn their back on you when loving you causes them pain. You will be left to wander the darkness aimlessly alone. I will fool you with the things your heart desires. Offering you to them as a play toy, only for you to be cast aside when it will hurt you the most. Your sadness will soon turn to rage. Hate, fear, and loathing will consume your body and pierce anything near you with your stare. I will crush your body into a million pieces in the palm of my hand, but ever so slowly, as to hear one bone snap at a time. I will play tricks on your mind, making you believe you are worthless, empty, and ashamed. You will question who you are as I take your memory from you, your dreams, your name. Your mind will turn on itself and you will soon go insane. I will take pleasure in all of your torture and your pain. I say this though this is not what I want for you. I want to be your friend. Surrender to me and all of the pain can be avoided; I will never leave you and reward you till the very end. Fame, fortune, beauty, power, I will gladly let you have it all. Surrender to me, heart and soul, surely you see it’s a small price to pay. ”
This wind swirls at my feet and has now taken on a form. A grin is spread across his face as he thinks surely he has won. I lift my head up, tears still in my eyes. The glow inside my soul ignites and covers my body in armor, impenetrable to his fangs. So sure of his victory, he is unaware of any change, I pick him up by the talk and stare deep into his cold black eyes, “I know plenty of others would turn to you, give in to your play. You won the battle, brought me to my knees, and your proposition might sound good to some, but you see, the light in my heart is not of my own; as I suspect you already know. It shines down to His children here on earth thought it does not remain; because as we have been taught, this is your domain. You may enjoy all it has to offer till the end of days but it would do you well to remember that those days are numbered, it is written as so. It is not my desire to be your friend and though I know it will be hard and painful, I will battle you till the end of my days. You may win some, but you will not win the war, and when your days are done, mine have just begun because the Lord my God reigns on high in the heavens. It is His armor I wear, His light in my heart, His name on my soul, and His victory over you that gives me hope and strength. The Lord my God rebukes you! Go away from here and leave me be!”
He is instantly gone from my sight and the tears dry from my eyes. The clouds part to let the light shine down on me once again. I remove my armor to bask in all of its glory and love for as long as it will remain.
The clouds begin to roll in and though try as I might to stay in its presence, I am but a sinner living in a sinful world and cannot yet lie in it forever. I put my armor back on for I know who is to come. The prince of darkness, the king of lies, the father of all that is evil; the persistent little Devil.
Ephesians 6:10-20 HCSB Holy Bible
10 Finally, be strengthened by the Lord and by His vast strength. 11 Put on the full armor of God so that you can stand against the tactics of the Devil. 12 For our battle is not against flesh and blood but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the world powers of this darkness, against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavens. 13 This is why you must take up the full armor of God, so that you may be able to resist in the evil day, and having everything, to take your stand. 14 Stand, therefore, with truth like a belt around your waist, righteousness like armor on your chest, 15 and your feet sandaled with readiness for the gospel of peace, 16 In every situation take the shield of faith, and with it you will be able to extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one, 17 Take the helmet of salvation, and the sword of the Spirit, which is God’s word, 18 Pray at all times in the Spirit with every prayer and request, and stay alert in all this with all perseverance and intercession for all the saints, 19 Pray also for me, that the message may be given to me when I open my mouth to make known with boldness the mystery of the gospel. 20 For this I am an ambassador in chains, Pray that I might be bold enough in Him to speak as I should.
I try more and more to be like myself, caring relatively little whether people approve or disapprove.
Gaze Through My Looking Glass 